If you know who I am you've probably heard and read a lot of things about me. Over the years some of my friends have copied articles and web site spots and sent them to me. More often than not, I've been absolutely enraged to read what most people have written about me. Everyone seems to be an expert on Sean Sellers, from the cop who claims I'm a serial killer, to the first Satanist that says I'm a hero, to the second who says I'm a bad representative of Satanism, to the third who says I never was a "true" Satanist, to the first Christian who says I'm sincere but should still be executed, to the second who says I'm just trying to make people think that I am a Christian, etc. etc. etc.. And it goes on and on I tell ya.
The thing is-- not ONE of these people who speak so authoritatively about me KNOWS me. A couple of them might have met me once( and I mean a couple) but they don't "KNOW" me. Whatever they write about me, the fact is, they're not really writing about ME. They're writing about their own little personal IMAGE of me. Those images are as false and contrived as idols are that represent God. They are not "ME".
A lot of what is printed about me is done with a predetermined purpose. Often just for money. That was a big surprise to me, and it still gives me a sinking feeling inside. I first realized it when I found that a group was making me some kind of poster child in their campaign to oppose the role playing game Dungeons & Dragons. I don't like the D&D, I have some strong opinions about it, but these people were making Dungeons & Dragons the reason I was in prison, and that just wasn't true. They were using me to support their OWN cause. They were writing about me with a specific agenda in mind, and creating an image of me to fit that agenda.
But they were only the first. Many followed. Once I received an underground magazine from some guy who was promoting the occult. It was a fanzine full of Satanic metal bands, an interview and artwork from Richard Ramirez, a cartoon of a child holding a sign reading "Free Jeffrey Dahmer". The whole thing read like a groupie publication for some band, with Satanic killers as the stars. This guy wanted me to do an interview. He was a big fan of mine he thought I was so cool for having killed three people. I asked him what he'd been reading about me. He told me about some crime books I was in. Apparently there's a market for gore.
Some publisher had put me in some books along with other killers. They showed pictures of my crimes and talked about my evil deeds. Again, they were just using me to support their own agenda. They never said a word about my renouncement of the occult, and when I told this guy I was a Christian I never heard from him again. He was just like they were. He was seeking to use me to promote his agenda, and use an "IMAGE" of me to do it. He wasn't really interested in "ME".
Christians have done it too. I did an interview with a minister once, for a video about Satanism. He also wrote a book on the subject, dedicated the book to me, and sent me a copy. When I read the book however , I came to the account of our interview, and it was all wrong. I mean ALL wrong. Not one single thing was right. Not the way it happened, not the quote-- nothing. I called him and asked about that. He confessed that not only had someone ELSE ghost written the book for him, but he hadn't even read it. You see, Satanism was the big interest in the Church then, and the subject was a moneymaker. I was his poster child for the project. He wasn't interested in me beyond that. As long as there was my name, face, and some image of me that benefited his project he was satisfied.
After years of this I've actually gotten used to it. I expect it now. Every time I pick up something about me I prepare to read something that skews it to whatever agenda the writer is using . The one about me being a serial killer was particularly fitting. The man who wrote it seemed to be desperately lifting up my name because the one shining moment in his career as a Police Detective was when he arrested me. And if he could make me a serial killer that elevated him even higher.
Many people have profited by writing about me. Two women wrote an unauthorized biography, for example. It was such a construed work of fiction they nearly got sued by my girlfriend whom they included in it. Apparently they read the facts of the case, talked to me twice, and when I said no, they decided to simply make up the parts they didn't know. It earned them a paycheck or two though.
Others use me for their own political causes. The district attorney who prosecuted me, Bob Macy, seems to go out of his way to sabotage anything good I might do. His political cause is to declare criminals all bad. Evil. Animals. If Sean Sellers is shown as a kid who did something evil, but is now trying to make up for it, then his cause is harmed. Thus he's said things like, "Sean Sellers was a Satanist" when it served his purpose, and "a Christian" when it served his purpose. He'd be a Buddhist tomorrow if it benefited him.
I'd like to say I take things like that in stride-- water off a duck's back, but I don't All this stuff really bothers me. I want people to know who I really am not some image portrayed to them as me. I want them to know about the bad and the good. I accept judgment and condemnation from anyone if they form those opinions from seeing the true me. I don't expect everyone to like me, nor for everyone to hate me. If Bob Macy said," I don't care who Sean Sellers becomes, he still killed three people and I want him executed for it, " I'd respect his honesty, and understand it. You see, I'm not trying to present an image for my OWN agenda here.
A part of who I am is what I did when I was 16. But that's only a part. One part. The rest of what I have done before--and-- since then, are also parts of who I am. The real me is the totality of them all, and that's who I want people to see when they hear the name Sean Sellers.
This is who I am.
Sean Sellers, 24 August 1998